Why Do Some Women Dismiss Our Menopause Experience?

We need to keep talking, even when some say we’re making a fuss

There’s a fascinating side conversation I’ve noticed lately. A certain group of women, often over 60 and through the menopause tunnel, who seem to feel that those of us speaking up about perimenopause and menopause now are exaggerating, over-medicalising, or making a fuss about nothing.

Before I hit the peri party myself, I have to admit I didn’t know quite what to expect either. Back then, the conversations weren’t as loud as they are now. But the more I’ve deep-dived into this time in EVERY woman’s life (mostly because it knocked me flat), the more I’ve started to understand why this happens.

I liken it to Superannuation (retirement financial planning). Some people like to plan ahead, get the facts, and feel in control of what’s coming. Others (especially if your brain runs on the only two ADHD timeframes, like;

1. now, and

2. not now,

See it as a tomorrow problem. We figure we’ll deal with it later.

At the So Hot Right Now lunch event I went to in Sydney in March, I met a wonderful older woman who’d come along with her daughter-in-law. In that classic way new friendships spark, we found ourselves chatting in the loo. She told me she actually felt sorry for our generation. She said we seemed to be suffering so much more than hers had.

But a few drinks and a few more stories from the panel later, she stood up in front of the crowd and shared something that struck me. She reflected on what she had been through, now that she could see it for what it was. She spoke of taking up running without really knowing why, the brain fog that had her arriving places and not remembering how she got there. In her words, she looked back and said, “I was completely messed up in the head, I just didn’t know it at the time.”

And that’s it, isn’t it? I think it’s unfair to minimise what so many women experience during this transition. Life today isn’t easier or harder, but it is different. Our culture, our workplaces, our homes, they expect a lot from us. And different cultures see this time of life differently.

But shaming women for speaking up about their struggles helps no one.

Much of the conversation happening now is about preparing. It is about building the superannuation of knowledge, support, and care for the women coming behind us. Many of us have had to figure it out without much to guide us.

We don’t want our daughters, our nieces, or the next generation to have to fight this same fight for support, understanding, and fair treatment.

And for those who did sail through menopause easily, that is wonderful. But I know plenty of women in that same age group who would say the opposite. I know women in their sixties who have been very frank with me about the challenges they faced during their own menopause. One even shared that starting HRT was her last-ditch attempt before she seriously considered throwing herself off a bridge in her forties. And she had four children to care for at the time.

This is why these conversations matter so much. Because behind the silence, there are so many stories like hers.

There is a reason women in the peri and menopause age group are at the highest risk of suicide. The struggles are real, and so often they are invisible or dismissed. That is why these conversations matter so much. No woman should feel she has to suffer in silence or that asking for help makes her weak. We need to keep shining a light on this so women feel seen, heard, and supported.

These conversations are not about fear-mongering. They are about making sure no woman feels invisible, dismissed, or left to struggle on her own.

Even if menopause wasn’t hard for you, or you look back and feel sad that you didn’t get the support that’s now becoming more common, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all stand together for our fellow women? If we could pay it forward, so no one has to go through this feeling unseen and unheard?

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