The Comeback I Didn’t See Coming

What happens when your spark returns, slowly but surely

I’m telling you, a year ago doing this kind of activity (below) was IMPOSSIBLE.

robynjlaw

A post shared by @robynjlaw

This was not just your average tired or overwhelmed kind of season.

I’m talking complete shutdown. Lost spark. Zero energy. The things that used to bring me joy, like heavy lifting gym sessions or long walks? Gone. I had shut myself away from everything because I just didn’t have it in me anymore.

The list of symptoms was long and confusing:

• Joint pain

• Chest heaviness (like an elephant sitting on my chest)

• Anxiety and social anxiety, including two severe panic attacks from out of nowhere

• Rollercoaster moods

• Skin issues - a return of my childhood psoriasis

• Bone-tired exhaustion that sleep didn’t fix - think telling your kids most afternoons that I had to go to bed and dinner prep was on them

• Needing to pee constantly - including multiple middle-of-the-night toilet trips

• Super itchy skin, especially around my genitals

• Headaches

• A few hot flushes

• Depression

• Libido MIA

And this went on for the last few years. Years.

But lately? I’m feeling like I might be back. Not in an overnight glow-up kind of way. But in the slow, steady, hang-on-something ‘s-shifting way.

And that shift started with HRT/MHT. I’ve been hesitant to post how good I’m feeling previously because I do know that, like many things, they can take time and tweaking, and of course, it has with me, plus I didn’t want to jinx my good fortune.

On Wednesday I will share a special post more about my personal experience in detail with regards to HRT as I come up to 7 months in and I’m also quietly suspicious it won’t last, which is the case for some women, so I truly don’t want to jinx myself, however for the time being I am going to enjoy this uptick in joy of life!

It hasn’t fixed everything, but it’s given me a foothold and opened the avenues and space to make the other, also important life adjustments, I just couldn’t before when I was living in a body that felt like it was stuck in the mud.

When your brain is feeling sludgey and your body can’t move no matter how much you tell it you want it to, telling a women in this state “just get up earlier, exercise, take your vitamins and snap out of it” (yes I was told that by a trusted health care practitioner late last year) is a surefire way to set up a sprial.

Since then, here’s what I’ve been able to do:

• Focus on gut health

• Clean up and hone my diet

• Get back to the gym

• Prioritise protein

• Lower my carb intake and reduction of processed foods (thanks, insulin resistance)

• Daily fibre goals met

• Move more

• Soak up more sunlight

• Protect my sleep like it’s sacred

• Reduce alcohol consumption (haven’treally consumed much anyway these last 4 or 5 years)

• Actually manage my stress

• Commit to therapy

• AND start seeing my friends again!

And maybe the biggest shift of all?

• I’m not constantly in fight or flight

• I’m slowly opening myself up to fun again

• I’m finding joy

• I’m reconnecting with purpose (shoutout to the

  Secret Lives of Sunny Coast Wives
  and it’s hyper active community)

• I’m finding other women like me and reconnecting

And I’m learning to be kind to myself.
Not because it’s trendy, but because it’s necessary.

I came across a line that really hit me. It said high-achieving, Type A women are often the most affected by hormonal disruption in perimenopause. It’s an identity-level earthquake. And if you’re also neurodivergent, like me? The internal chaos can feel next-level.

So if you’ve been wondering where your spark went
If you feel like you’re living in someone else’s body
If you miss your old self and also don’t want her back entirely

You’re not broken. And you’re definitely not alone.

I’m not all the way there. But I’m on my way.
And I hope this reminds you that your comeback might be closer than it feels.

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