Real Talk at the Pub: When Perimenopause Unexpectedly Became The Topic With The Blokes

A refreshing reminder that honest conversations can spark understanding, connection, healing and a little more hope for all of us.

Yesterday, I found myself in the best kind of random chat at the pub with three guys I’d never met before. Completely unplanned and totally enrichening.

We skipped straight past the small talk (my kind of people!) and somehow ended up deep-diving into perimenopause and the rollercoaster so many women go through. But here’s the kicker: I didn’t even bring it up! Out of nowhere, the snake catcher starts talking about this article he’d read that day on the struggles women face in midlife. It had him reflecting on his own marriage breakdown and how he realised, looking back, that those changes probably played a big part.

He mentioned that he could tell something was off but didn’t know how to support her at the time.

Then, the next guy shared his story too. Looking back, he’s come to realise perimenopause was a huge factor in his previous marriage struggles as well. He even admitted he wished he’d tried harder to understand what his ex was going through, especially as the mother of his kids. He was like, “I know it takes two to tango, but I can see my own part in it now and just wish I’d put myself in her shoes.”

The third guy, who couldn’t have been much more than 20, just sat there taking it all in. At first, I thought, “Is this too much, too soon?” But then I figured, why not? That’s what got us in this mess in the first place. The more we talk about this stuff, the less mysterious and taboo it becomes, right? Plus, the more we can rise and be supported and understood. So I told him, “This might seem way off your radar, but someday you’ll have this woman in your life—whether that’s family or a partner—and it’ll all make sense.”

And the second guy backed me up, hoping the younger one would remember this and be able to show up for his future partner in ways they hadn’t.

I even shared a bit of my own story with them. Two weeks ago, I was a walking zombie—joint pain, zero energy, and mood all over the place. Then I started some new treatment, and wow, it’s like a grey cloud lifted. Suddenly, everything seems brighter. I’ve got energy, and I’m actually getting through my to-do list for the first time in ages. But I have to remind myself not to go overboard.

And then the snake catcher mentioned the movie Limitless, and I smiled at the synchronicity. Just the other day, I’d joked to my husband that I felt like Bradley Cooper—finally tackling months of neglected life stuff. But I know I still need rest and downtime to keep it going, and I need to be mindful of this so as to not fall into a heap.

Honestly, I’m just enjoying this wave of feeling good while it lasts. Who knows, maybe it won’t be permanent, but for now, I’m soaking it up. And it makes me wonder—without today’s medical options, how did women back in the day survive this stage? Life was so different then; there were shorter lifespans and less grind. I mean, sure, things were “simpler,” but were they better? As someone who’s lived in an Eastern society for over 14 years, I can’t help but think maybe all the hustle isn’t doing us any favours in the long run, but for many of us, it’s not a choice.

Anyway, that’s just me musing. What do you think? Is there more to this than just biology?

For now, I’m just grateful to feel better and am all in for more chats like this—anything that helps us 51% of the general pop handle midlife with a little more ease.

P.S. I’ve been loving and appreciating 🙏 more than you can know all the emails since I started opening up about this stuff. It sounds like we’re all on similar paths, each unique but also the same in so many ways. It feels good to not feel so alone in it.