Life and Loss

This Month of Loss

This month has brought unexpected and heart-wrenching news as I process the deaths of people I know or know of—gone far too soon.

The shock of these losses lingers—how can someone be here one moment and gone the next? It feels surreal like the world should stop turning to acknowledge the enormity of what’s happened. And yet, life goes on. The daily grind continues, responsibilities call, and the rhythm of everyday life resumes as if nothing has changed. But inside, something has shifted.

I've already been to two funerals in the first half of this year, and another three people I’ve known have passed since.

Facing Mortality

As the reality of mortality sets in, it’s hard not to reflect on the fleeting nature of life. I find myself firmly in middle age, even though my mind doesn’t always accept it. Whether we’re ready to face it or not, these moments remind us that considering our mortality is a necessary part of living.

Recently, my parents, in their late 60’s, attended a session on end-of-life planning and building a compassionate community. This reminded me of a Death Café I attended in 2019 in Bahrain. It was run by a Death Doula, and a small group of us gathered in—yes, you guessed it—a café to chat informally and increase awareness of death. The aim was to help people make the most of their finite lives and demystify something that will happen to each of us. It helped me confront some of my own fears around the subject.

As Brené Brown poignantly describes in her article on the midlife unraveling, “Midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear: I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing—these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt—has to go.” This reflection feels more pertinent than ever as I navigate this stage of life.

Ray Martin's The Last Goodbye

A couple of weeks ago, Ray Martin, the veteran Australian TV presenter, launched an informative and thought-provoking series titled The Last Goodbye. This three-part documentary series, which premiered on SBS, explores one of the last taboos in Australian culture—death. As part of the series, Ray plans his own funeral, engaging with morticians, medical students, and even death deniers to better understand our nation’s relationship with death.

We watched the series as a family, including the kids, to help demystify and explore our own feelings around death. The series delves into the trends, rituals, and even emerging technologies around death and funerals in Australia. One striking observation was that Australians, by nature, are often funeral minimalists compared to other cultures. This practical, understated approach resonates deeply with our national character. I was very impressed with how other cultures and religions commemorate end of life.

A Time for Reflection

Ray’s series reminded us that, while death is inevitable, our approach to it can be as unique as our lives. As I continue to navigate my own middle age, these reflections feel more relevant than ever.

How have you navigated moments of loss and reflection in your own life, and what have they taught you about living fully?