Boundary Setting or Being a Bitch
They’re Not the Same Thing
One of the most surprising gifts of menopause?
It’s the giant, flashing invitation to set healthy boundaries.
Because suddenly, all those places where you didn’t have them;
where you gave too much,
said yes when you meant no,
or tolerated what you shouldn’t have,
start to feel completely unsustainable. What we used to grin and bear now leaves us drained, snappy, and wondering why on earth we’re still playing by rules that were never ours in the first place.
Perhaps it’s the sleep deprivation, hormonal shifts, or brain fog. Maybe it’s that deep-down knowing that our time and energy are no longer things to hand out freely like party favours.
Whatever it is, menopause has a way of holding up a mirror and asking, Where are your boundaries, love?
And here’s the beautiful part: this season invites us to finally draw the line. Not to push people away, but to let the right things in. The things that nourish us. The things that matter.
If you’re ready to start, here’s what’s helping me (and maybe it’ll help you too):
✨ Pause before you say yes - Give yourself permission to check in. Do I want to do this? Can I do this? Or am I saying yes out of habit?
✨ Start small - Boundaries don’t have to be grand announcements. A simple, “I can’t do that right now”, or “That doesn’t work for me” is enough.
✨ Practise saying no without the essay - You don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation. “Thanks for thinking of me, but I’ll pass” is perfectly polite.
✨ Notice where you feel resentful - Resentment is often the breadcrumb trail leading to where a boundary is needed. Follow it.
✨ Remember: guilt is normal at first - Especially if you’re not used to setting boundaries. Guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It means you’re doing something new.
✨ Trust that the right people will understand - And if they don’t, that tells you something valuable too.
I’ll be honest, for years I thought boundaries meant being difficult, or cold, or heaven forbid... bitchy. I worried that protecting my time or saying no would make people think less of me, or worse, not like me.
But what I see now is that boundaries aren’t walls. They’re filters. They’re the lines that help us decide what gets our time, energy, care and what doesn’t.
Menopause helps us wake up to the places where we’ve over-given, over-accommodated, and over-extended. And it gives us permission, no, it demands that we stop.
Here’s the thing: boundaries don’t push people away.
They let the right people in.
The ones who love you will respect them. The ones who don’t? Well, that’s a gift of clarity, too.
So if you’re finding that midlife has you saying no more often, or stepping back from what no longer feels good, please know this isn’t you becoming difficult. This is you stepping into your power.
And anyone who tells you otherwise probably liked it better when you had none.
💬 Is menopause helping you find your voice with boundaries? Let me know how this has shown up for you, I love hearing your stories.
You may also like…
Solitude or Connection. How Do You Recharge?
Perimenopause has taught me a lot. Some of it gentle. Some of it like a brick to the head.
Wow. Holy shit! We did it. 35km The Bloody Long Walk.
In April, when a friend casually flipped out a “Do you like walking? Want to do the Bloody Long Walk in June?” I was mildly interested. I’d seen it online and was curious about doing it, but I thought I was a bit out of shape for it.
Is Menopause Chat Fear Mongering or Is It Lighting the Way?
There’s been a lot of menopause chatter lately. Maybe you’ve seen it too. Some people are wondering if all this talk about menopause is overkill. That perhaps it’s creating fear where there shouldn’t be any. I came across a post from Dr Gillian Jackson