Understanding, advocating for myself, and giving myself so much more self-compassion have been pivotal in helping me move through life in a more positive light. I’m grateful that when I got my second diagnosis (because I didn’t believe the first; how very ADHD of me; both were correct), I found a neuro-affirming therapist who helped me understand not just the ADHD mind, but my own.

Here’s the thing: even though my energy is way more grounded these days, less chaotic, less impulsive, thanks to some great techniques and being an awesome pattern recogniser, as well as hormone therapy, understanding how I operate has helped me be less comparative to others.

Neurodivergence, in my mind, isn’t an excuse. It gives me a greater understanding of how and why things are done the way they are. But I never use it as a crutch. It’s not my whole personality or identity; it’s just an awareness of why and how.

This might be an age thing, too. I care less about keeping up with others or belonging, because I can own who I am now. That’s likely down to a therapist who worked with me on my StrengthsFinder IQ Test (fascinating and extremely validating), amongst other deep therapy, but honestly, it might just be midlife giving no cares.

After a wonderful 12-day trip to the South Island of NZ, we’ve come home to a whirlwind: school, living arrangements, back to work, and setting up for a new era in our household. Without going into too much detail, my eldest has embarked on a dream of his, and our house is a lot quieter. Plenty of emotions all around during this shift in dynamics.

In NZ, we got to spend more time with our youngest while our eldest was touring with his rugby team. We only joined for the games, which meant we landed in this unique situation, enjoying time with our daughter while her brother had the trip of a lifetime.

I’m embarking on my #Project50to50 as I near my 50th year, and part of that is fitting all the puzzle pieces together for a fulfilling life. Not just choosing myself, but being the best version of myself so I can be there for my family as we all move into this new era.

That rings especially true right now.

I’ve come back from a fulfilling holiday, packed up my son and sent him off, jumped straight back into school and work, and now I have a head cold. I won’t be back at the gym until next week. That’s life. I’ll just pick up where I left off. My fitness, training, and diet are about a lifestyle and a nursing-home prevention plan, not an obsession.

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I’m writing this from Queenstown, New Zealand. We’re towards the end of a family trip, and after we get home, our home and family life will change quite a lot.

I’ve stolen forty minutes before someone needs something from me, which feels like an appropriate way to start something that is fundamentally about carving out space for myself.

Tomorrow I turn 49.

Which means in exactly 52 weeks I turn 50.

Take out two weeks over Christmas because I’m a real person, not a machine, and that leaves exactly 50 weeks for this personal project. I did not plan that symmetry.

I’ve spent the last 18 months choosing myself — my health, my mind, my wellbeing.

Over the next 50 weeks, I’m going to keep going, and I’m taking you with me if you want to come.

I deep dive. It’s just how my brain works. When something grabs me, I go seventeen tabs deep and surface three days later with opinions and a lot of saved PDFs. Perimenopause grabbed me about three years ago, and I haven’t stopped since. Neither has menopause, motherhood at this stage, aging parents, body recomposition, identity, or the general experience of being a woman in her late 40s trying to figure out what the second half of her life will look like.

This isn’t 75 Hard.

It’s not a challenge, a program, or another thing to add to an already full plate. At this stage of life, who needs more of that? It’s more of an awareness. A refinement. Intention setting for how I want the next half of my life to look, taking the time to actually work it out, out loud, with you.

I’m not entirely sure what it’s going to look like. But I have some ideas.

Here’s what the year looks like.

Body. Four DEXA scans, an exercise physiologist, GLP-1, and working towards some unreal fitness goals. The data is real, the progress is real, and the setbacks will be too.

Brain. Perimenopause does things to your brain that nobody warns you about. Bone density, sleep, hormones beyond estrogen, HRT(MHT), the symptoms that never get named in polite company. I’ve gone very deep on all of it, and I’ll keep sharing what I find.

Self. Who I thought I’d be at this age versus who I actually am. Style, identity, reinvention, and strangely, at this point in my life, career. The things I’ve stopped doing and the things I’m finally starting.

Family. Raising teenagers while your parents are aging is a lot on top of everything else. The invisible labour of being the person who holds everything together while also trying to hold yourself together.

Mindset. The gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it.

Creative. So much I’ve been putting off, and other things completed but not yet out in the world. What it means to make things in your late 40s and give yourself permission to share them. If I dare.

If you’ve been here a while, thank you. If you’re new, start with the archives. There’s a lot in there.

Either way, I’m glad you’re here.

See you next week.

Robyn x

PS In January on Facebook I asked

Here’s what some had to say

I’d love to know your answer to this!

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